Fear is one thing that makes us human. Not THE one thing, but one thing. If you can't feel fear then I don't believe you can qualify as a human. It's just one of those basic emotions that you have. I think when most people think of fear their minds jump to spiders and the dark. Hell and drowning. The typical things. When I think of fear- I think of so many things. I even tend to think about things that someone wouldn't normally fear and how it could be fearful.
For instance. A soda can. Nothing scary, right? But I jump right to thinking about how freaked out someone would be to slice their whole mouth on the sharp edge near the tab- the look of horror on their face as they felt blood gush from their lips.
It's odd seeing things this way and it makes nothing feel safe. I'm a fairly timid person as is. I have my mega fears, the things I fear most. But I also have smaller, odd fears.
One of my biggest fears is losing my SO(significant other). I honestly don't know what I would do. I'm so attached and clingy to him that it's scary. If something were to happen to him, I think I'd wind up sitting on the floor for several days just in thought.
One of my other fears would have to be being around people. I struggle with Anxiety/Social Anxiety and just the thought of being around a lot of people that I don't know is enough to give me a panic attack.
Those are my biggest, mega fears. They are the final bosses at the end of my life. I can't see myself defeating them anytime soon.
Besides those larger fears, I seem to worry...a lot. I worry so much to the point that I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy. I lose sleep because of how much I worry. It's almost 12 AM and I was supposed to be asleep two hours ago but I began to worry. I worry about everything. Quite literally, everything and I don't really like using the word 'literally'.
I worry about my SO's job and if he's doing okay. I worry that he'll get fired or have a crappy day. I worry if he ate or if he's tired. I worry about bills and food- if we'll have enough to make meals and get by until our next food shopping day. I worry about my SO getting sick or getting some crazy fatal disease. I worry about having enough milk for cereal. I worry about a zombie apocalypse starting or the world ending. I worry about my family and my SO's family. I worry about our place catching on fire or someone breaking in. I worry about accidentally hurting myself when I cook. I worry about our plans changing at the last minute. I worry about the phone ringing or someone dropping by unexpected. I could go on and on.
The worries never stop. The only break I get from them is while I sleep and usually I'll have really vivid dreams that seem to echo various worries, though sometimes I just have crazy dreams for the sake of having crazy dreams too.
It's pretty ridiculous. I don't even know why it happens. It makes me feel like those prude, uptight characters you always see in TV shows because I bet that's how I come off to people that know this about me.
